As many of us, I’ve many times searched on google “How to be Happy”. On our modern world, we easily become victims of worry, stress and depression. In our search for an answer, multiple suggestions pop up, where one of the most popular in recent years have been various forms of meditation. Looking from a distance, isn’t it sad to see that a method to solve happiness generates millions of dollars every month? Are we millions of people that don’t manage find happiness? Are we really able to handle the intensive environment in which we live today? I also wanted to be happy and I tried it all, but it was something completely different than what you find on google that helped me…
“The joy of life cannot be bought in the supermarket or even in luxury stores.” – Pierre Rabhi
I don’t regret my past, even if I took doors that didn’t lead me in the right direction. The bible says that we are all born as sinners. I know that many do not adhere to this way of thinking, but let’s try to look at the concept objectively. Sinner does not have to mean that you are doing something intentionally bad, but rather that you lack the knowledge of how to behave good to people and to yourself. As we grow older we will naturally gain more experience and knowledge and will no longer be in the sinful state as a new-born child.
When we are children, we challenge the limits that our parents put on us. We make a mistake and they say “Don’t do that – it’s not good.”. The more we grow the more we experiment. The mistakes we make can lead to painful consequences that we do not want to repeat – and so we learn. Therefore, we naturally seek a progression towards holiness, according to our truth.
Complete package for happiness?
For many years I tried to pave my way to happiness, which instead made me even more sad. I lived a part of my youth in lies and superficiality and I know that I am far from being the only one. It was a period of moral violence, which makes people and your own body and mind to suffer. Three years ago I decided to take a “complete package” for happiness: yoga, meditation, hypnosis, sophrology, eating green, eating air and more. Did that help me? No.
All these methods are only shields. We are looking for help from the outside to fix something that is inside of us. “This product will have that benefit and this activity is good for that and that part of the body”. If the problem is us, why shouldn’t the solution also come from us?
For the most part, our ancestors were happier with fewer illnesses and fewer worries.The reason is simple: they had less exposure to temptation. They didn’t live in gigantic cities where people would crowd into 40 m2 shops with high prices. The principles of life were simpler: to live as a family, to cultivate your own food and to love and care about your surroundings. Instead, our current principles are erroneous by consumption, money and sex. We are offered superficial happiness, which whether we want it or not, have a high price on our true well-being.
How did I find happiness?
Today it is as if everyone must be happy everyday, which imposes a “forced positivity” that has the potential to slowly destroy us. For example, when people meet each other they give compliments, cherish and smile. But when they come home they are filled with unreleased anger, disappointment and anxiety. I think that happiness is not something that you work towards. Happiness is now. We all have it in us, we just have to make the choice.
1. The Mind
- Let it go : It’s okay to have a bad day! Life would be monotonous if it always went in the same direction. and we wouldn’t enjoy the good days as much. The difficult days reinforce us towards better days. We are constantly learning, so have fun and trust your body and mind. Don’t let the environment or your ego infiltrate your mind and push you to the extreme. Many times it’s the society that makes us question ourselves. But in the end, you only do the right things for you, because you cannot act for others.
- Acceptance : Whether you are spiritual or not, without forgiving and accepting myself I would’ve never found truly happiness. We’ve all made mistakes that have had an affect on us. Truth is, that we are lucky to have what we call the past, because it’s fro this we’ve gain experience and knowledge about ourselves and our surrounding. But keep in mind, that the past is and will always remain in history and does no longer belong to us. The same goes for future – it’s only the present that we have right now and which counts. It’s the present that shows how you have learnt from the past and how you influence the future. To not let go and worry of the past and the future creates toxic stress in our body and mind. If you have a hard time accepting and forgiving yourself, write down a list for yourself with everything that you’d rather forget. Once you see it on the paper in front of you, you can take the paper and rip it in pieces: This is you showing yourself that you are taking control of your life from now on.
2. The Body
- Be natural : It’s a mistake to think that only food will save you. For example, many vegans are chronically stressed. Most of them are activists preaching a hate message, such as condemning anyone who eats meat. You must take care of what you have on your own plate before you look over on someone else’s. Respect your body and mind by incorporating suitable and natural products – but don’t force it or go to the extremes. As long as you avoid processed food in boxes, you have already come far in the right direction.
- Less is more : This is my personal favorite. Unhappiness can also be due to intoxication due to too large volumes. We have all grown up in the belief that we must eat minimum three times per day and that we must always eat until we feel full. In reality, to sometimes give your body a break will have both healing and rebalancing effects. Me, just as many others, discovered that I had more energy when I stopped to constantly “full” myself. Intermitting fasting, or a longer (3-4 days) fasting increases your energy levels, as the body gets time to heal itself. Naturally we shouldn’t stop eating for too long – again it’s a question of individuality so you will have to experiment. But I know that I will continue to give my body a break now and then for the rest of my life. All in all, if we consume less, seek simplicity in our consummation and also in our relationships – life will be clearer, easier and happier.
My goal here is not to give you a complete guide of what, when and where to eat, because I know it’s such a sensitive and widely differentiated subject. My only real advice is that you go out and do some research yourself, have fun and experiment! With time you will see what fits to your body and health the best. Don’t forget that the environment is just as important. If you live in the city, go on small excursions to a park outside of the city during weekends to breathe better and more fresh air.
- Be present for others : If you spend less time in your bubble and problems and instead show yourself fully present for those you care and love, I promise you that everything will change. To worry about your fate will never change anything in reality. However, to take action today will give you a concrete reward tomorrow.
- Commit to love : My last, but definitely not the least point is to choose love, and hold on to it. Love isn’t something that you simply throw out of the window whenever you feel fed up. Be responsible and choose your partner carefully. If you take care from the start any obstacles will be easier to overcome. We are not made to live alone, but rather with someone we love and who love us in return. Make sure to treasure the relationship you have with your partner. Of course you can show openly your love, but keep the secrets between the two of you as it will build a stronger foundation of trust. To build a strong foundation is far more rewarding than to destroy and start over every month. I talk more about the importance of commitment in my article Why Should You Choose To Work With Your Partner